By nature, I am an over-indulger. I used to believe that over-indulging equated happiness and frankly, I lived for it. Through TV binges, clothing, sale items, money, shoes, dates, and my favorite past-time, food binges. Going out to dinner knowing I could eat whatever and however much I wanted while glugging down delicious wine and cocktails was heaven on earth. It felt like this type of “letting go” meant I was free. In reality, it had me in chains.
When I wasn’t over-consuming the tangible, I would go on information binges. Yay, internet! Yay, forty books! It was excess, always. That’s just my nature, because I am hungry for it all. I always make things harder, better, faster than they need to be. I want to consume the world; literally eat the entire planet and solar system until there is nothing left. If you know about the galaxy we live in, you know thats a CRAZY amount. And you know what? It still wouldn’t be enough. Because when you are starving on the inside, like I was, unlimited is never enough.
For emotional eaters, this over-indulgy personality is slippery territory. Letting our guard down is dangerous. One cupcake and I want thirty. One second of chocolate bliss and I want it to last forever. I’m full? Child’s play. It’s going down. I remember being on Weight Watchers several years ago when they switched over to the new points system and you could have an unlimited amount of fruits and vegetables and I was like HALLELUJAH. I can eat as many bananas as I want! So I ate when I wasn’t hungry. All the time. Just because I could. Because, unlimited. Our brains are wired to love the fact that we can go hog-wild at any moment.
But what happens after these prolonged, delicious moments of excess? After I’ve pictured myself like a Roman God being fed grapes over and over and over? After I’ve done them too many times, all of the time, in all ways I know possible? There isn’t a way to cherry coat it: you feel like shit.
Total shit. Because if it’s unlimited, there is no end in sight. You stuff yourself over and over and over again. If we dissect this concept from a spiritual perspective, we can see overindulging as a way to move away from the present moment. Of what’s here, now. Because at our core, this act never satisfies us. There will never be enough. There can never be enough until our bodies’ or minds’ slow, first whispers of “enough” turn into begging screams of “please, no more”.
So what are we looking for?
Something else, to take us out of here, now. We want something bigger, something to tell us that all will be okay, that we’re being watched over and guided. This hunger for more is a desire for nurturance. Something that will hold and nourish us during those moments that we can’t seem to think ourselves out of. We want it to tell us that there is something else behind what’s here, that there is something working behind the scenes in our favor. That there are invisible forces taking care of us.
We are looking for the invisible things.
As someone that has been plagued by this concept for most of her life, I’m here to tell you there are so many ways to access the invisible. To get what we are really looking for. Because that invisible wants you, too. It’s always been there, and it’s waiting for you.
We can start by acknowledging what’s here. Soaking it in. Looking. By prayer, thinking, and breathing. By looking at flowers. By looking into your boyfriend’s eyes. By laughing. By moving your body. By painting, doing yoga, telling your truth. Writing. Expressing yourself. Moving through fear. Staying still. Asking. Listening. Receiving. By being with your parents and friends. By being in nature. Cooking. Chopping. By loving. By creating what you need to create. Doing what you need to do, whatever it is, right now. And paying laser-focused attention to it.
Once you begin to pay attention, a sense of knowing that what is here is enough becomes enough. Be courageous enough to take in deep inhales and exhales to tap into that all-knowing source. Because the force is here. Always. Waiting for you to come back. To remember that it’s here. When you honor it, it will reward you. With inspiration, with love, with faith, with the ability to stay, endure, and move far beyond that which you do not believe possible. Tap in, because it’s what you want. It’s a fountain that keeps on giving. Because it is truly the only thing in this world that is unlimited.